1) I am not offended by a Naked
Hairless Guinea Pig.
2) I am 104 years of age or less, or have parental consent to
visit this site.
3) I am not a member of some weird alien species intent on enslaving
the human race, or, if I am, I will spare John Weldon in exchange
for his co-operation.
4) I do not make stupid banjo jokes unless I can actually play
one. I have never intentionally harmed a banjo player. I do not
consider all banjo players to be "just like the guy in Deliverance".
5) I do not use the word "proactive". I do not clap
in rhythm at public concerts. I am not the guy who stole John
Weldon's spare tire in 1976.